Surrender

Day 50:  Peru 

I’m not really sure how to put into words my experience with Ayahuasca.  I have never in my life experienced anything like it.  They say Ayahuasca doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle, but be prepared to face your demons.  I was prepared.  However, I didn’t see anything demonic. My least favorite thing in the world is vomiting.  I cannot stand it.  It literally makes my skin crawl.  My biggest concern was that I was going to vomit.  Shortly after drinking the Ayahuasca, I vomited.  It felt as if the devil was exiting my body.  After purging the devil from my body I had to lay down and close my eyes.  

While I didn't see anything demonic I had visions of my biggest fears, visions of my shadow.  I am terrified of people viewing me as lazy, stupid or self-absorbed.  It was as if I was dreaming, I was stuck in a land of people that embodied all of these characteristics.  The worse part was that I was one of them.

Not only did I hate the visions I was having, I hated the way it made me feel.  I began beating the walls and floor while screaming to let out my frustration and uncomfortableness.  It was like a cycle.  I would have these visions, hit the walls, scream and sit up saying I was done.  Only to lay back down and repeat the whole cycle again.  I learned that when it comes to how others view me, I only surrender to a certain point.  I repeatedly tell people to not take things personally and to read The Four Agreements, but I still take things personally when it comes to my shadow characteristics.  I learned I get to surrender completely and expect those parts of me sometimes.  

When it was finally over, all I wanted to do was sleep.  I slept for over 12 hours.  It was the Ayahuasca telling me that I needed to rest.  It was also my point of true surrender.  While I will never do Ayahuasca again, I would recommend that everyone try it at least once in their lifetime. 

Here is my brother’s experience: 

Let me start by saying it is no joke and if you just want to trip to "get high and see shit change" go take LSD or Mushrooms because this ain't that ?.

As far as visuals, personally I had some cool geometric shapes and spirals and shit like that happening. It was almost like riding a 4 hour wave that changed from darkness to peace multiple times throughout.

I don't want to scare anyone from going and having the experience, so understand when you read this next part you WILL be fine if you try it! Throughout about the first 1/3 to 1/2 of the experience the best way to describe it is that I felt the Devil attacking my body. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel like I was for sure dying ? It is pretty funny looking back though which brings me to lessons number one and two…

-How often I blow things out of proportion when I feel a certain level of discomfort.

-How I often I try to impose my will on situations that are 100% out of my control and by doing so drive myself deeper into a hole.

There came a point when I "accepted my fate" I stopped trying to fight what I was feeling and the fear. Almost instantaneously upon my acceptance and surrender to Ayahuasca I "purged".

Purging = puking or shitting your fucking brains out.  The purge is one of the most positive and greatest learning experiences of my entire life though. It is MUCH more than the physical reaction that takes place. Personally I felt the Devil exit my being. I felt my soul cleanse itself. I watched demons exit my mouth. As this negative energy was expelled from my being I felt an overwhelming peace and positivity flow in simultaneously to take its place. Which brings me to lessons number three and four and probably the deepest learnings I experienced… 

-The NEED to remove negative energy from my life. Negative energy is a KILLER even if it feels small it is poisoning the body, mind, and soul.

-The NEED to trust in something greater than myself. The need to align my will with the will of something much greater and more powerful than myself.

I also learned other things like…

-The power of connection to other people.

-A feeling of peace within myself and release from any fear of "being alone”.

-The power of gratitude for EVERYTHING in my life.

You may say "These are already things I know, understand, and practice in my life." Well I definitely believed I did as well, but I now have an understanding at an incomparable level. I can not say that my experience will be yours. My sister was next to me clearly having a COMPLETELY different experience than me. People I have spoke to also had very different and similar parts to their own experiences with the medicine.

All in all I think EVERYONE should go through this experience. As long as you have a healthy heart you will not die. You will make it through whatever happens to you (feelings of dying, feelings of extreme fear and panic, intense convulsions, and whatever else you may experience which I didn't) and you will come out stronger in every sense of the word than you ever knew you could be.

More in this category: « New Experiences Processing »

Leave a comment

Make sure you enter all the required information, indicated by an asterisk (*). HTML code is not allowed.

4

Continents Visited

23

Countries Visited

1053

Friends Around the World

1320

Friends on Instagram

Food

wherever you are

Food is something that brings the world together. Each culture has its own traditions and favorite foods. As a self proclaimed foodie, I was so excited to try cuisines in the countries they originated in. During my travels, I have discovered and will undoubtedly continue to discover culinary treasures around the globe. I am honored to share with you, My Elephant Tribe, the amazing meals I have enjoyed throughout the world.

Learn more #yummy

Inspiration

Collect moments, not things

Join My Elephant Tri­be